Lonely Girl
by apldee
Summary: What if Serena never went to boarding school? What if she never left Manhattan? What if something tragic happened, changing the course of her life forever? This is the beginning all over again. Love it or leave it, you know you love me, xoxo.


**Up In Smoke**

_Bing!_

The toaster oven let out a piercing cry announcing that it was finished doing its job.

Serena van der Woodsen skipped into the kitchen. The stench of smoke filled her nostrils immediately. Her feet padded across hardwood floor as she rushed to the steaming toaster.

"Shit!" Serena grabbed a hand towel and began to swipe vigorously at the rising smoke. She realized her efforts were useless and tossed the towel onto the floor. She scrambled onto the counter and attempted to force open a window. It took all of her strength, but eventually, the window popped open to reveal a dark screen.

"Oh thank god." Serena slid down and planted her butt directly on the counter next to the toaster. She watched the smoke float through the screen and out of the window into the chilly November air.

"What the hell are you doing sis?"

A sulking Serena snapped her head up and glared at her younger brother, Eric.

"Whoa, no need to give me the glare of shame…"

Serena straightened up. A sympathetic frown spread across her face. "Ugh, I'm sorry bro." She looked down at the toaster pathetically, whimpering.

"I burnt my poptarts again."

Serena hopped off the counter and turned to face the window. She stared outside, taking in the scenery, the wonder of busy New York on a Monday morning. Eric slipped by her and peered into the slightly steaming toaster.

"I think they might've melted in there…", he said, scooping the poptarts up and tossing them quickly into the sink. He licked up blue poptart goo that remained on his fingers.

"Blueberry? Since when do you eat blueberry?"

Serena shook off her daze and turned to Eric, pouting.

"Since all mom buys is god damn blueberry." She sighed and shook her head. "It's like she's out to get me."

Eric chuckled and crossed through the kitchen to the pantry. "She doesn't hate you, Serena." he said, digging through boxes and cans of non-perishable food items.

"It's just that… well, she's worried about you."

Serena snorted. "Ha."

"Really, Serena, she's not the only one that worries…" Eric glanced over at her with sad eyes, before returning his attention back to the pantry.

"Don't even look at me like that Eric! You know it isn't fair", Serena whined. "What're you looking for?"

Eric dug deeper into the pantry, moving to a lower shelf. "You'll see."

Serena sighed impatiently and re-located to the living room. She grabbed the remote and switched on their 55" flat screen television. After a minute of flipping through channels, she threw down the remote and turned her attention to the kitchen, from which her brother seemed to have disappeared.

"Eric?"

"Aha! Found it."

Her little brother popped up like a jack-in-the-box. He was holding a package of firmly in his hands.

"What is it?" Serena squinted to read the tiny print on the container, but she couldn't make out a word that it said. "Eric?"

"Strawberry poptarts! See, mom isn't out to get you." Eric stuck his tongue out.

Serena gasped and bounced off of the couch, skidding into the kitchen. "What? Where did you…"

"I knew that mom had picked some up at one point, and I guess the house keeper just hid it pretty far back into the pantry by accident…"

Serena hugged Eric, tousled his hair, and grabbed the box of poptarts from his grip.

"Hey! Maybe I should make those this time."

Serena chuckled and tossed the box back to Eric. "You're probably right."

Her giddy disposition disappeared and her smile faded slowly.

"Wouldn't want to start another fire…"

Serena trotted back into the living room and fell forward onto the couch, burying her face into a decorative pillow and groaning.

Eric set down the poptarts and trailed after his forlorn sister. At times he felt like the older brother, like a sitter who was constantly following Serena around.

"C'mon Serena, you _know_ you didn't start that fire."

Serena mumbled something incomprehensible into the pillow and pounded her fist into the leather cushion. Eric sat down on the edge of the stylish couch and patted his sisters back. After minutes of silence, Eric rose and walked back to the kitchen to prepare breakfast.

He made coffee, humming cheerily to himself, while Serena moped on the couch and munched on her strawberry poptarts- which were toasted to golden, crispy perfection. Eric opened up the liquor cabinet and pulled out a pint of Baileys Irish Crème. He poured a few capfuls into a mug filled with coffee, and stirred it around with a small straw.

"Here you go sis. A little pick-me-up. How are those poptarts?"

Serena took the mug and began to chug down the coffee, muttering something that sounded like a mixture of 'cool' and 'awesome'.

Eric took a seat next to Serena and flipped on the television. "What shall we watch? The news? You need to know what's going on in the world Serena. It's time for you to stop living like a hermit in a shell."

Serena mumbled and finished off her coffee, sitting back into the couch and closing her eyes.

"I'm serious! I'm sick of being the guy with the borderline depressed sister."

Serena pretended not to listen to Eric, but he knew that his words stung her. "Are you even listening to me? I miss having you around Serena. You're always locked up in your bedroom. I can hear you sobbing every other night, and the nights that you aren't crying, you're in the bathroom making yourself sick."

Serena opened her eyes and flashed him an angry look, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Look, I'm sorry that you don't think your lonesome life is as private as you make it out to be, but this needs to stop." Eric looked up at the TV. There was some nonsense about the Macy's Day Thanksgiving parade, so he quickly turned it off, more interested in keeping his entire focus on his sister.

Sighing, Eric turned to Serena, who now had her head buried in her knees. "At least come back to Constance after the holidays… Please?"

Serena shot Eric a disgusted look. "Why in the _hell _would I do that?" she asked, sinking down further into the couch.

Eric laughed silently. His sister was always playing up the drama, whining about the little things and failing to look at reason.

"Because I need my big sister! You don't know how hard it's been for me Serena. When I came out, I was ridiculed. They tried to have me expelled! It would've been nice to have you there."

Eric turned away from Serena, tears stinging his eyes. He knew that she'd feel guilted into coming back to school if she saw him cry, and that's not what he wanted. He wanted the decision to be hers.

"Serena…" Eric said, turning back to her and sighing. "How do I turn off the water works?" He lightly nudged Serena in the arm, who in return let out a pathetic wail. "What's that under your nose?" he asked, pointing to the spot between her nostrils and her upper lip.

"I dunno." Serena muttered, pushing away his hand.

"It's a smile!" Eric flicked Serena on the nose. "You do not seem amused." Serena fought back a smirk before busting out with laughter.

"There's that mega-watt smile that I know." Eric smiled in return and laughed wholeheartedly with his sister. "Pwetty pweese come back to school? It'll give you a chance to reconnect with Blair!"

Serena growled at the sound of that name. "No thanks, I'd rather not."

Eric scratched his head, dumbfounded. Girls were so strange. One minute they liked each other, the next; it was full blown cat fight status. "But why not?"

Serena chucked a pillow at her brother. He could be so naïve sometimes.

"Because."

"Because? What kind of answer is that?" Eric jumped up, retrieved the pillow, and dusted it off before returning it- and himself –to the couch.

"Because… why should I give a shit about her, when she hasn't tried to talk to me even once this year? She abandoned me… as a friend, as a human being. I at least thought she'd be there for me through therapy, but no, I sat around waiting for her in the hospital for hours on end… and she was always a no-show."

Serena absentmindedly buried her face into Eric's shoulder blade, soaking his grey shirt with her tears.

"Now there… It's alright sis." Eric smoothed her hair, trying his best to calm her.

Serena sat up and looked at her brother, wiping the moisture from her tear stained face. "It's not okay Eric… look at me. I'm a wreck."

Eric nodded in agreement. "Oh yeah, you should see yourself, total mess."

Serena punched Eric in the arm. He knew there would be a bruise there later.

"That's my big sister. So Blair is a bitch, who cares? Tell me something I don't know. No one truly likes her, y'know?"

Serena shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

"Personally, I always thought you were crazy for being her friend. I don't know how you ever put up with her…"

"Alright, I get your point. She's awful."

For the first time in a long while, Eric and Serena shared a wholesome laugh. It made Eric happy to see his sister smiling, but he knew that only time would tell if Serena was returning to her former self.

"I really miss this Eric, us just laughing and sharing things with each other." Serena beamed and pulled her little brother into a hug.

"I know I haven't been the best sister to you… which is why I've decided to go back to school. You may have to drag me out of bed, get me ready, and force me into the car… but I'll go."

"Yes! Awesome!" Eric put up a hand for a high-five.

"But under one condition Eric."

Eric sighed and eyed Serena suspiciously. "What is it?"

A sly grin appeared on his sisters' face. "Take me shopping? I'm in desperate need of new clothes!"

Eric clapped his hands together in excitement. "We go tomorrow. There'll be tons of sales on Black Friday!"


End file.
